before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
