if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
