My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
