last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
