After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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