She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
