so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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