mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
