i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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