every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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