Hey man sorry I got all grabby
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
