DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
