Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
