East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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