You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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