bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
