I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
