Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
did you just send me my own nude
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize