Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
