Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
