I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
