They should really pass out barf bags in church
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize