Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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