i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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