no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
