why didn't you poke me back
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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