I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
