I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
