I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
