So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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