just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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