So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
