wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
