I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
