true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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