hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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