If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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