Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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