Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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