my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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