Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
