I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
