Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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