I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
