I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
