Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
