I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
