Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
