Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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