i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
