I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
