i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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