you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
