yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
