I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
