Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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