i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
