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Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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