I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
