Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
