In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
